Programmed and Broken
by dinosonzii
Summary: It's a few months after the battle of New York. After a particularly lonely day, Natasha Romanoff decides to take a night in, alone in her apartment and drinks more than a little vodka. Drunk and alone, she gets an unexpected visit from one of her fellow avengers. A surprisingly open conversation takes place, a heart-to-heart of sorts, on a worn-out maroon couch.


_**I had an absolutely lovely role-play with a stranger on omegle, however they left before I could ask permission to make the conversation into a one-shot. I am going to write it up and post it, however if you are the stranger (playing Natasha) please tell me and I will immediately credit you, and if you don't approve, I will take the story down. But it was absolutely wonderful role-playing with you- random stranger, please I hope you take this as a tribute to your prompt and pure genius of playing Natasha.**_

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Natasha was in her apartment alone, drinking more vodka than she probably should. She laid on her dark maroon couch, which was facing the front door, her scarlet red hair dangling off the armrest, her eyes half closed and her vision was wearing a baggy black top with black jeans and her regular combat boots, not bothered to take them off. She heard the sound of boots on the floor but didn't bother looking at who it was assuming it was Clint. She heard a chuckle. She lifted her head trying to make out who it was, because it didn't sound like him, but her head dropped back down on the arm of the couch. "Clint?" She slurred.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but lover boy is elsewhere. Don't worry Natashlie. I'd be happy to keep you company." Tony says with a smirk as he enters the room, wearing a grey t-shirt and casual blue jeans. He flops down on the other end of the couch.

Natasha scoffed, eyes narrowing. "Why are you here, Stark?" She closed her eyes. "Shouldn't you be out partying or arguing with Rhodes?"

"What, can't a friend drop by to say hi?" Tony asks looking mock-offended. "After all, i dont ALWAYS party.

She chuckled. "I didn't think I was your 'friend'. And when you're not doing that, you are drinking. " She held the bottle out to him. "There's scotch in the fridge.

"You wound me." Tony said with a pout as he accepted the bottle and took a swig. "But" He said seriously, "Aren't there some things that people can't go through without becoming friends?"

She laughed slightly. "You think that because we saved the world, that that's a good excuse to become friends?" She grabbed his shirt and pulled herself up.

"Hey- hey watch it." protested Tony. "I don't get it, though, what did I do," Tony asked almost sadly, "that makes you hate me that much? I didn't think, I was that bad...".

"You're not and I don't hate you. I just want to know why." She said slowly.

"I think..." Tony sighed, relenting, "I think, that you might relate to what I'm going through. And I don't have anywhere else to go." He takes another sip of the drink in his hand.

"You have your palace and Pepper. What is it your going through, Stark?" She asked skeptically.

"My 'palace' is just that. It's cold and just a product of me distracting myself. It's not a home. And sure I have Pepper, she's great and perfect and I- I think I love her, but I'm afraid that if she sticks with me she'll get hurt. That I might hurt her. I'm just" waves his hands looking for the appropriate word, "extra baggage for her to lug around." He shakes his head and chuckles "Worst part is I dont even know what 'this' " he gestures to his dishevelled self with his empty hand "is".

She was silent and she leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. "And you think that's happening to me?"

Tony laughs heartily. " 'Course not. You're the strong one. The one who never falters." He paused thoughtfully before continuing, "But maybe, just maybe, you weren't always all that strong. Maybe you had to learn it. Maybe I need to learn it." He leans her head against hers, "Or maybe I came here cuz you know how to listen, not judge." He shrugs before sighing, "Who knows what goes on in my mind? I sure as hell don't.".

Natasha paused, her whole body stilled. Pursing her lips, she seemed unsure whether to say what she was thinking. After a few minutes of silence, she relaxed and took a breath. "I didn't learn it, it was programmed in. I'm not 'strong.' And I... The real me, the one that wasn't programmed to be a killing machine wants out. But they got her locked up tight." She wrapped her arms around his, finding odd comfort in the form sitting next to him.

Tony turns his head to meet her piercing blue eyes. "And you live with it? Knowing that the real you is locked up just below your reach. You let it be there, haunting you. Doesn't sound like the Natashalie I know. But, I do it too, lock up the ghosts of my past. It's easier that way, isn't it. I'll let them go someday." In his eyes were the unspoken thought '_Maybe you should, too.' _

Tony looked away again, staring at the half- open door in front of them, deep in thought.

_**((A/n)→ this is where the role play was stopped)**_

"The Natasha you know isn't real, Stark. She's a psychopath. And it's not easy to rid yourself of the demons. Believe me, I've tried." Natasha, looking down at the floor, spoke with venom laced with something Tony couldn't quite place.

Tony spoke softly, for fear he might anger the woman beside him. "In that respect we're all psychopaths.".

Natasha looked up at Tony, her eyes wide and burning with anger, but it wasn't directed at him so much as herself. "Psychopath or not, I'm still not who I used to be. I'm hollow inside." she said with a deadly whisper.

"The program inside you, is now as much a part of you as this-" taps the blue circle on his chest, "-is a part of me. You learned to live with your experiences. That wasn't the programming. That was all you.".

"And what of the old me." Natasha sat upright and demanded. "Where did that go?".

"It's still there." Stark offers the near empty bottle to Natasha who snatches it readily. "Inside you. I see her come out sometimes, when you're with Clint. She's not as locked up as you might think. At least she's better off than a coward of a man, broken and hidden behind the image of a suit of armour."

Natasha was surprised that Stark had seen below her assassin attitude, but didn't show it. Instead she parted her dark red lips to ask "But that armour is what you are.".

"The armour is what I created. It's what I had hoped would heal me. But it broke me even further. I want to be more than just armour,Natasha. I want to be something- someone real."

"So stick with Pepper, Tony. If she didn't want you, she would have left ages ago." Natasha dropped the empty glass bottle of vodka onto the floor with such a great force it shattered below her.

"Thanks, I think?" Tony replied startled, reminded once again that even though Natasha was drunk she could still break his bones if she wanted to.

"You're not as broken as you think, Stark. So what if you have post-traumatic stress disorder? We all do. Yet, you're the lucky one, you have a lot of people who are ready to help you." Natasha said quietly.

"I'll accept that when you accept that you're not as programmed as you think, Natashlie. You're not that alone either" He grinned.

"Yeah, Stark? Name one person who is there for me."

The grin faded as quickly as it appeared as he said seriously, without a moments hesitation, "Me.".

Natasha was speechless for second before regaining her composure and replying "So we have a deal then?"

"A deal?" Tony looked at her questioningly.

"Yeah, That we'll heal together."

Tony nodded. "Deal, but now what?"

Natasha looked straight ahead, as if her eyes were watching the future unfold, before she replied, "We keep on fighting.".

Tony threw his arm out around her, "For the record, you're still the strong one.". He said with a smile.

Natasha gently leaned into Tony's shoulder and blinked heavily. "I know, Stark. I know.".

And so the two spent the rest of the night, in silence, on that old, worn out maroon couch with a dim yellow light on, staring at the half open door, until their eyes slowly shut and they fell into a deep slumber, only to be awoken gently at daybreak with the sun shining brightly into the room, gleaming with a promise that things were going to start looking up.

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_**And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed. Please review! Thanks for reading! 3**_


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